The time has come for me to leave! Well, almost. It still seems a bit surreal that by this time tomorrow I'll be in Gottingen and starting what I hope will be an amazing nine months there. The prospect of experiencing german culture and getting to grips with the language is really exciting, though perhaps the best thing has to be the lack of end of year exams, whoop! I think that's the first time since I was four... I'm also looking forward to having a go at teaching, though seeing as most of my knowledge of the english language has been gained through learning foreign languages, I'm not sure just how much of an ambassador for the english language I'll be! Still, I'm sure the students will have fun trying to decipher my lancashire accent which seems to have strengthed somewhat since being back home. Last week I had great fun with a book on the Lankyshire dialect that I bought to take with me-- now surely it's not just the north west that uses 'to meither somebody', or 'flummoxed' or even 'gormless'?? Decipher: 'lerrin' im lackin' un not learnin' is addlin' is brain.'
Anyway I have to say that I've been so encouraged to hear that many people from home and university will be praying for me whilst I'm away and feel quite blessed that God has given me such great friends and family! A friend wrote me a card quoting Joshua 1v9: 'Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.' Quite apt really! What do I really have to be afraid of?
So until I get internet access this is 'ta ta for now'. The next time I write I'll be doing so from my new address and God-willing will be a little more clicked into german... so tschuss!
Monday 23 August 2010
Thursday 19 August 2010
Something that got me thinking.
On visiting the anglican cathedral in Liverpool last Wednesday I discovered a stone memorial of John Charles Ryle, with a carving of him as if stretched out for burial-although he is actually buried in All Saints Church, Childwall.
The cathedral itself is beautiful, built with red cheshire sandstone and vibrant, modern stained glass. Even the size of the place is quite breath-taking, not only from the outside but from the inside, especially when you stand in the central space and have to almost arch over in a crab like position to examine the masonry and carvings. I always find it quite amazing in some of these grand churches that God has given such skills and an eye for beauty to such ordinary people. Yet for all of its visual beauty I coudn't help but feel that it rather displayed a certain idolatry of man rather then a worship of God. The central space is no doubt well-used and I was pleased to see a local charity set up there. It's encouraging at least to see that the local community want to use such a building and maintain it for future generations to cherish.
However I think it is quite telling that the first bishop of Liverpool, Ryle himself, apparently had no time for such a building scheme. You can imagine my surprise then, knowing only a little about Bishop Ryle, that amongst all of the grandeur and worship of the 'given' and the 'created' there was a worthy memorial to such a christian man whose tracts and books have enriched so many christians' lives. It is not that such buildings are sinful; the creation of them is not in itself sinful, nor are the craftsmen who worked on such a project necessarily guilty. But what is clear and disappointing to see is the notion that God is only experienced in these kinds of surroundings. That the peace of God, salvation, communion with God and worship of Him are only so transiently experienced as if the expression of God's character is only limited to the works of men's hands is a foolish, yet common belief. This notion was aptly summarised in the writing above the main doors of the cathedral: 'I felt you and I knew you loved me.'
It is true that God loves, 'for God demonstrates His own love toward us in this, in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.' Romans 5:8. But this is not some kind of love like so many of the soap operas and blockbuster films would have us think. It is not merely 'felt'. I am capable of feeling many things for as a woman I have a whole range of different emotions! But feeling is not the same as love. A feeling of love is transient, fallible, weak, changing, deniable, unbelievable and untrustworthy. How many poor men and women have married with this feeling of falling in love with someone only to find that a few years down the line that they have 'fallen out of love' with their spouse and 'fallen for' somebody else? 'But that's love!' some would have us believe. If that is love, I want nothing of it. It is only proved-and I use that term lightly- by the sheer emphasis and stress upon the feeling that one is loved but it cannot be proved in the evidential way. In short, there is no action or demonstration of that so called 'love' that can be relied upon enough for there to be no room for doubt. Doubt will always exist.
But the love that God speaks of is demonstrable; it is proved (Romans 5:8). Anyone can experience God, though many choose not to. I can see His work in nature, his intelligence in creation, his eye for beauty. But what I cannot experience is that God loves me, nor that He is just or worthy of worship, that is until I see the proof of all of this. Jesus Christ is that proof because when I was still an enemy of God, when I still refused to admit that I was wrong, that my way of life was in direct rebellion against Him, Jesus died as a substition for my sin. That is to say, I should have suffered for my own wrong doing and thus experienced in the true sense all that I am actually worthy to experience; the just wrath of God upon my sin.
'Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.' John 15:13 I was not a friend of Christ's when He died for me. In fact it was nearly 2 millenia before I trusted that Christ's death was the proof of God's love for me. Therefore He did die not on the basis of me being a 'good person'. Nor upon the fact that I was an 'honest member of society'. In fact Christ only calls sinners to repentance and grants them salvation, so if you don't think you're a sinner then you have a problem.
But this is how I can know, trust and therefore fully experience the love of God; because He gave His own Son for Me. There is no better or more beautiful piece of evidence of God's love for those who trust Him than that when there was no beauty in us, He gave all for us. Do not rely upon a transient feeling, but rather look at the evidence of God's love and be certain that Christ died for you. That is love without doubts or uncertainties.
The cathedral itself is beautiful, built with red cheshire sandstone and vibrant, modern stained glass. Even the size of the place is quite breath-taking, not only from the outside but from the inside, especially when you stand in the central space and have to almost arch over in a crab like position to examine the masonry and carvings. I always find it quite amazing in some of these grand churches that God has given such skills and an eye for beauty to such ordinary people. Yet for all of its visual beauty I coudn't help but feel that it rather displayed a certain idolatry of man rather then a worship of God. The central space is no doubt well-used and I was pleased to see a local charity set up there. It's encouraging at least to see that the local community want to use such a building and maintain it for future generations to cherish.
However I think it is quite telling that the first bishop of Liverpool, Ryle himself, apparently had no time for such a building scheme. You can imagine my surprise then, knowing only a little about Bishop Ryle, that amongst all of the grandeur and worship of the 'given' and the 'created' there was a worthy memorial to such a christian man whose tracts and books have enriched so many christians' lives. It is not that such buildings are sinful; the creation of them is not in itself sinful, nor are the craftsmen who worked on such a project necessarily guilty. But what is clear and disappointing to see is the notion that God is only experienced in these kinds of surroundings. That the peace of God, salvation, communion with God and worship of Him are only so transiently experienced as if the expression of God's character is only limited to the works of men's hands is a foolish, yet common belief. This notion was aptly summarised in the writing above the main doors of the cathedral: 'I felt you and I knew you loved me.'
It is true that God loves, 'for God demonstrates His own love toward us in this, in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.' Romans 5:8. But this is not some kind of love like so many of the soap operas and blockbuster films would have us think. It is not merely 'felt'. I am capable of feeling many things for as a woman I have a whole range of different emotions! But feeling is not the same as love. A feeling of love is transient, fallible, weak, changing, deniable, unbelievable and untrustworthy. How many poor men and women have married with this feeling of falling in love with someone only to find that a few years down the line that they have 'fallen out of love' with their spouse and 'fallen for' somebody else? 'But that's love!' some would have us believe. If that is love, I want nothing of it. It is only proved-and I use that term lightly- by the sheer emphasis and stress upon the feeling that one is loved but it cannot be proved in the evidential way. In short, there is no action or demonstration of that so called 'love' that can be relied upon enough for there to be no room for doubt. Doubt will always exist.
But the love that God speaks of is demonstrable; it is proved (Romans 5:8). Anyone can experience God, though many choose not to. I can see His work in nature, his intelligence in creation, his eye for beauty. But what I cannot experience is that God loves me, nor that He is just or worthy of worship, that is until I see the proof of all of this. Jesus Christ is that proof because when I was still an enemy of God, when I still refused to admit that I was wrong, that my way of life was in direct rebellion against Him, Jesus died as a substition for my sin. That is to say, I should have suffered for my own wrong doing and thus experienced in the true sense all that I am actually worthy to experience; the just wrath of God upon my sin.
'Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.' John 15:13 I was not a friend of Christ's when He died for me. In fact it was nearly 2 millenia before I trusted that Christ's death was the proof of God's love for me. Therefore He did die not on the basis of me being a 'good person'. Nor upon the fact that I was an 'honest member of society'. In fact Christ only calls sinners to repentance and grants them salvation, so if you don't think you're a sinner then you have a problem.
But this is how I can know, trust and therefore fully experience the love of God; because He gave His own Son for Me. There is no better or more beautiful piece of evidence of God's love for those who trust Him than that when there was no beauty in us, He gave all for us. Do not rely upon a transient feeling, but rather look at the evidence of God's love and be certain that Christ died for you. That is love without doubts or uncertainties.
Friday 13 August 2010
11 days to go...
What on earth do you write in your first ever blog post?! As a keeper of a more traditional diary or journal (yes, one that requires pen and paper) the concept of keeping a record of what I get up to on a pixelated page which can be seen by anyone in the world, is perhaps slightly unnerving. Needless to say, I haven't discarded either the pen or the paper yet. But for obvious practical reasons, trying to keep in touch with everyone and share my experiences with them is made far easier by blogging.
With only 11 days to go until I leave for Germany I don't really know how I feel about it all. At least, there certainly isn't just one word to summarise the wealth of emotion you get when you suddenly realise that apart from not seeing your friends and family for a few months (the anguish of which is certainly lessened by the internet), you have to set yourself up in a foreign country, start a job, plan english language lessons, find a place to live, find a church, make friends, resist the temptation to make jokes about the war...the list is endless. Plus, there's probably the greatest fear-in my mind at least-of having to sort all of that out in a foreign language, and one that you don't believe yourself to be any good at! I don't ask for sympathy, but I do ask for prayer!
That said, it has been blatantly obvious how God has answered prayer over the last few weeks. Before I went on holiday to France at the beginning of June I still did not know where I was going to be working in Germany. I only knew the Bundesland. That last week at university I'll admit that the prayer I uttered the most was that I'd find out where I'd be going before I went on a three week holiday where I would have no way of receiving any correspondance! Literally hours before I packed up and left the country I received the letter confirming my placement and telling me that I'd be working in a college in Göttingen. God's timing is no doubt the best.
France was a wonderful time for relaxation-though I was also ill and very lethargic for nearly the first two weeks-and allowed me to reflect on the past academic year. Plus I finally got around to the reading I had so desperately wanted to do for ages! A book I particularly recommend is 'The Supremacy of Christ in a Postmodern World' edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing for me as a christian especially when I reflect on how the Lord is faithful even when I am not. My exam results were another thing for which to praise God, and before anyone thinks that's simply because I did well, I must admit that there were a couple of exams I thought I had really messed up. My german oral-hence my apprehension-being one! I went into that exam believing that I had prepared what was necessary. Indeed, after having prayed that whatever the outcome God would still help me to give Him thanks, I truly did experience that peace which surpasses all understanding. However, I don't think I really need to describe that feeling as you leave the exam room, when you realise you've potentially (and dramatically so at that!) lowered your marks. I don't think I deserve the mark I got in the end, but I remember being able to put the failure behind me and to still praise God for teaching me to rely on Him. Something I don't think I have ever had to put into practise in such a way before.
After coming back from France I spent 4 days at home, most of which was spent flat-hunting and emailing my tutor in the school at Göttingen. Then on 31st July I travelled to Belgium with two friends to spend a week at La Panne on a christian mission (Mission Vacance) If you speak french and want a challenge, go! After years of attending beach missions in the UK where I have worked alongside christians I have never met before to present the gospel in a tangible and exciting way to children and parents on the beaches, the prospect of doing all of that in french is still quite daunting! But again, prayer won throughout.
Teaching Bible verses in french and german, translating stories from french into german, as well as playing the accordion were all new things for me, and ones I didn't always do very well. Here too I honestly saw God at work. How on earth? Well, for the plain and simple fact that I am a proud woman and throughout the years I've been studying has also had an immense fear of failing. But for the past month I have praying that God would change the root of this problem; self. I often found that when I concentrated on the task God had trusted to me to do and upon His power (the kind that raised Christ from the dead and now lives in me), self was quite adequately and firmly crucified! For who of their own accord really wants to stand up in front of children, parents and bystanders, all of whom speak the language you're messing up far better than you do, and speak about a message that they despise and pity? If you want to crucify self, tell the gospel. Thus a verse that's been in my mind recently has been Galatians 2:20. An excellent read which I honestly believe has lead me prayerfully to be able to change (bit by bit) is a compilation of C. H. Spurgeon's sermons called 'A Passion for Holiness in a Believer's Life.' Read it!
Finally....honestly! The last week has mainly been spent chucking out old clothes, toys, games etc and having a laugh at the daft and pretty useless things I own. It was a necessary task as I hadn't had time to properly unpack since coming back from university, and with all of the books I now own it would have been nigh on impossible to squeeze so much into such a tiny space (anyone who's seen my room would know exactly what I mean)!
Now comes the preparation for Germany.... the flight is booked, travel insurance underway, but as yet I don't have anywhere permanent to live because I'm hoping to visit a couple of flats in Göttingen the first week I'm there. (My tutor is letting me stay with her-yet another answer to prayer!)
In some ways the physical preparation is relatively easy. You make a list, you tick things off the list when you've done them. But none of it comes about (as I have learned quite painfully at times!) without first being committed to God in prayer. Perhaps I should rather have named this first blog 'prayer', as I seem to have spoken more about that than anything else. But what is apparent is that despite all of my human fears, the God who knit me together in my mother's womb is the same God who has promised to keep on doing His work in and through me, right up until the end. Another answer to prayer on that note would be that I've managed to get in contact with a baptist church and the equivalent of the CU in Göttingen. I don't know how it will all turn out yet and I'm certainly not saying that I am not scared (I am human) but I trust God. And I think He's pretty much got the final Word on that.
With only 11 days to go until I leave for Germany I don't really know how I feel about it all. At least, there certainly isn't just one word to summarise the wealth of emotion you get when you suddenly realise that apart from not seeing your friends and family for a few months (the anguish of which is certainly lessened by the internet), you have to set yourself up in a foreign country, start a job, plan english language lessons, find a place to live, find a church, make friends, resist the temptation to make jokes about the war...the list is endless. Plus, there's probably the greatest fear-in my mind at least-of having to sort all of that out in a foreign language, and one that you don't believe yourself to be any good at! I don't ask for sympathy, but I do ask for prayer!
That said, it has been blatantly obvious how God has answered prayer over the last few weeks. Before I went on holiday to France at the beginning of June I still did not know where I was going to be working in Germany. I only knew the Bundesland. That last week at university I'll admit that the prayer I uttered the most was that I'd find out where I'd be going before I went on a three week holiday where I would have no way of receiving any correspondance! Literally hours before I packed up and left the country I received the letter confirming my placement and telling me that I'd be working in a college in Göttingen. God's timing is no doubt the best.
France was a wonderful time for relaxation-though I was also ill and very lethargic for nearly the first two weeks-and allowed me to reflect on the past academic year. Plus I finally got around to the reading I had so desperately wanted to do for ages! A book I particularly recommend is 'The Supremacy of Christ in a Postmodern World' edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing for me as a christian especially when I reflect on how the Lord is faithful even when I am not. My exam results were another thing for which to praise God, and before anyone thinks that's simply because I did well, I must admit that there were a couple of exams I thought I had really messed up. My german oral-hence my apprehension-being one! I went into that exam believing that I had prepared what was necessary. Indeed, after having prayed that whatever the outcome God would still help me to give Him thanks, I truly did experience that peace which surpasses all understanding. However, I don't think I really need to describe that feeling as you leave the exam room, when you realise you've potentially (and dramatically so at that!) lowered your marks. I don't think I deserve the mark I got in the end, but I remember being able to put the failure behind me and to still praise God for teaching me to rely on Him. Something I don't think I have ever had to put into practise in such a way before.
After coming back from France I spent 4 days at home, most of which was spent flat-hunting and emailing my tutor in the school at Göttingen. Then on 31st July I travelled to Belgium with two friends to spend a week at La Panne on a christian mission (Mission Vacance) If you speak french and want a challenge, go! After years of attending beach missions in the UK where I have worked alongside christians I have never met before to present the gospel in a tangible and exciting way to children and parents on the beaches, the prospect of doing all of that in french is still quite daunting! But again, prayer won throughout.
Teaching Bible verses in french and german, translating stories from french into german, as well as playing the accordion were all new things for me, and ones I didn't always do very well. Here too I honestly saw God at work. How on earth? Well, for the plain and simple fact that I am a proud woman and throughout the years I've been studying has also had an immense fear of failing. But for the past month I have praying that God would change the root of this problem; self. I often found that when I concentrated on the task God had trusted to me to do and upon His power (the kind that raised Christ from the dead and now lives in me), self was quite adequately and firmly crucified! For who of their own accord really wants to stand up in front of children, parents and bystanders, all of whom speak the language you're messing up far better than you do, and speak about a message that they despise and pity? If you want to crucify self, tell the gospel. Thus a verse that's been in my mind recently has been Galatians 2:20. An excellent read which I honestly believe has lead me prayerfully to be able to change (bit by bit) is a compilation of C. H. Spurgeon's sermons called 'A Passion for Holiness in a Believer's Life.' Read it!
Finally....honestly! The last week has mainly been spent chucking out old clothes, toys, games etc and having a laugh at the daft and pretty useless things I own. It was a necessary task as I hadn't had time to properly unpack since coming back from university, and with all of the books I now own it would have been nigh on impossible to squeeze so much into such a tiny space (anyone who's seen my room would know exactly what I mean)!
Now comes the preparation for Germany.... the flight is booked, travel insurance underway, but as yet I don't have anywhere permanent to live because I'm hoping to visit a couple of flats in Göttingen the first week I'm there. (My tutor is letting me stay with her-yet another answer to prayer!)
In some ways the physical preparation is relatively easy. You make a list, you tick things off the list when you've done them. But none of it comes about (as I have learned quite painfully at times!) without first being committed to God in prayer. Perhaps I should rather have named this first blog 'prayer', as I seem to have spoken more about that than anything else. But what is apparent is that despite all of my human fears, the God who knit me together in my mother's womb is the same God who has promised to keep on doing His work in and through me, right up until the end. Another answer to prayer on that note would be that I've managed to get in contact with a baptist church and the equivalent of the CU in Göttingen. I don't know how it will all turn out yet and I'm certainly not saying that I am not scared (I am human) but I trust God. And I think He's pretty much got the final Word on that.
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