Prayer Pressure

'I’m tempted to think that the act of praying is one thing, but on top of that there’s a pressure.  A pressure to really mean my prayers.  And so I leave prayer meetings with furrowed brows and sage nods and an intangible fear that I wasn’t ‘engaged’ enough.  Perhaps – Oh dear – I was just ’going through the motions.’

But I wonder whether I’m labouring under a pretty serious misapprehension.  Maybe I’m imagining that my prayers themselves establish a connection between myself and the Father.  Perhaps I’ve been duped into thinking my prayers must make the journey to the throne of grace.  In which case, they’d better be good! They better be sent up with a fair bit of impetus.  What kind of thrust do rockets need to escape the earth’s gravitational pull?  Well surely I need to match that intensity – emotionally speaking!

But what if my prayers don’t travel to the throne of grace.  What if Christ has already made that journey? What if I’m not shouting up to heaven.  What if I’m at the Father’s right hand – whispering in His ear?  What if my prayers go, not in my name, but in Jesus’ name?  What if their efficacy is not determined by my heart towards God, but Christ’s heart?  What if the Spirit is Himself praying within me (Gal 4:6)?  What if I genuinely have the Father’s ear before and apart from any of my “prayer-righteousness”?

Then I can just pray.'

Glen Scrivener, Christ the Truth.

The Hidden Life

A line I seem to be repeating a lot lately is a paraphrase of Colossians 2:20-23.  Basically, the things we do and the restraints we put ourselves under in order to appear godly have no power to actually change the heart.  You can look great on the outside, but on the inside you can be as rotten as you like.  Other people may aspire to be like you, but nobody can see your soul's decay.

And this is where I found myself yesterday, sitting in front of my computer attempting to figure out exactly how many hours of precious time I had redeemed, and how many, of course, I had frittered away.  As part of my Relay year with UCCF I am accountable for my hours as well as my finances.  Simple as it may seem though, the task turned out to be one that would illuminate the most subdued corners of my conscience.  A little tweaking here, a little alteration there.  Be sure to mellow the words 'wasted time' with 'time spent in contemplation', 'much needed coffee date', or even, 'fatigue left over from the many conferences you have sent me on lately meant that I forced my tired frame to rest in bed just a few more hours.'  It's easy to manipulate facts.

Quite simply put, the temptation was to lie.

In its barest form lying is blatantly ugly.  I think there are few people who actually revel in open lies, either in their telling or in their receiving.  Many of us, however, just can't stop telling 'little' ones.  We tell white lies, assuming they're not as bad as the ones in technicolour.  When we make excuses we're more often telling twists on the truth, or, even worse, shifting the blame onto someone else.  It's amazing, during all my years of being late for things I have become the master of excuses.  At the end of the day, all I'm covering up are my failures and guilt by tricking myself into believing I am actually in the right.

Lies trip quite easily from our tongues almost like steam from the spout of an ever-boiling kettle.  The problem is not the hot water vapour as much as the turbulence inside the pot.  The boiling liquid is what we need to cool and contain.

So, how?  Let's just say I carried on as normal trying to fill out my monthly time sheet, being as honest as I could but all the while seething at the prospect of divulging my life to a person I, as of yet, hardly know.  In ten months time when I will have come to the end of Relay, I'll be the same as when I started.  The same old Vicky who makes excuses and slants reality in her favour because she can't admit she was wrong. 

So, say I go about it a different way.  Every month from now when submitting my time sheets I pray beforehand, I remember that my time has only be given to me because Jesus paid for these precious hours by going to His appointed hour.  I thank Him that even though I have frittered away some time, that I am not condemned for doing so, nor is the next day dependant upon the successes and failures of the previous.  I trust Him that the errors I have made are a trait of the character He is gradually eroding in His work of transformation and that His grace means I will have the power to resist temptation daily.  I believe the promises of His Word, that He will return one day though I know neither the day nor the time; I wait expectantly.  I commend Him for His justice and for His mercy while pleading with Him to bring that soothing calm of the Spirit whenever my soul threatens to burst its banks.

Only a change of master results in a change of heart.

My Quinta Extravaganza

2012/13 Relay Workers- can you spot the doctoring?

 

After nearly 2 weeks of conferences, amazing fellowship with Christian brothers and sisters, profoundly convicting teaching on Colossians, 2 Timothy and Luke, I returned on Sunday 9th to what is now my home for the next 10 months, loaded with a rucksack of smelly washing and an expectant heart.

So now that I'm finally settled in it's time to start properly digesting the savouries of sermons and seminars with the sweet of song, experience and fellowship.  What have I learned?

It may take me months to feel the full effects, but perhaps I can share just the tip of the iceberg.  Relay 1 conference was a time for drinking in the power of God's grace.  If there were a motto for the week, it would probably have been 'be rooted in and strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus', or even, 'continue how you started'.  Remembering grace is the heartbeat of 2 Timothy and Colossians.  Since we're prone to forget the basics and definitely prone to believe that there is something more to be had in the Christian life than possessing Christ in all His fulness, it is essential that we bathe in the glory of God's grace revealed to us in Jesus every single day.  It's the only cure for legalism, discontent and Satan's deception.

Robert Murray McCheyne summed it up quite well: 'For every one look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ.'
Maybe we girls ought to stick that one to our mirrors.

Leading straight into UCCF's annual student conference, Forum, I swapped my warm abode for the more rustic canvas option.  With over 1000 people (996 students to be exact!) attending, the campsite was so packed that it was difficult to hear anything remotely belonging to nature above the raucous chunnerings of closely pitched campers.  Hearing one CU group rouse their spirits every morning with a war cry of 'ahhhh...WOLFPACK!' and to be assailed by torpedoed water balloons one afternoon meant the week was far from dull.

Above all it just seemed to me to be the most perfect time of fellowship with Warwick CU.  Close quarters and campstove-cooked food drew us together every dew-filled morning.  And as the warmth crept back into our frames through bacon butties and copious cups of steaming-hot tea, we laughed at the foolishness of what we were all doing in the middle of the countryside, humming songs and discussing yesterday's teaching.  Shared experience soon led to shared adoration of our Lord.

And really, what I keep on finding is that the more I try to go it alone, the more God puts me with people I can't escape from!  As we kept on hearing from Mike Reeves, community is in the very nature of God because He is triune.  This perfect conversation, fellowship, submission and faithfulness between the three Persons of the trinity revolutionises how we see community.  If even God is not an island, then what makes us think it is good for us to be alone?  So, both Relay 1 and Forum chipped off pounds of pride from my weary individualism and I hope the Relay year will hack a little more both out of me and out of Warwick CU.

So as I round off this trip through the first two weeks of Relay, as I reflect on the lessons learned, I am once again beginning to realise just how much work God is going to have to do in me this year.  Whether it's my eagerness to be legalistic, my insatiable desire to be utterly autonomous, or my reluctance to simply love those around me, I'm going to need to do more than look at Jesus.  I must gaze.  Ten times for every one look at self.