Small people.

So it looks like our flight is still on for tomorrow from Bremen to Liverpool. However, so many flights have been cancelled and airports been shut due to bad weather that anything could happen over the next 24 hours! Naturally my brother and I would love to be able to get home for christmas and I'm pretty sure my parents and Gran would love that too. But it's a good time to remember that we have a sovereign God who actually does have the weather in His hands and that quite frankly times like these make us remember just how powerless we are. We scheme and make plans for the future as if they're certain to come off. How foolish we are! And yet how often we succomb to this little, yet highly persuasive, lie. I am determined, no matter what happens over the next 24 hours, by the grace of God to surrender all to Him in prayer and remain firm in the knowledge that He does all things for the good of those who love Him.

It's really quite strange to think that in less than two weeks I shall be touching down on British soil again. I really can't wait to see my parents and my Gran, as well as catching up with friends. My brother is coming to visit me from 18th and we'll fly back to the UK together on 23rd. A friend from university is also staying over during this time from 19th-21st before she goes back to Japan so it'll hopefully be a fun-filled time. Seriously, any who may house even the slightest idea that my brother is coming to visit me have so got the wrong idea. He's only coming because he wants to savour the delights of a half meter long bratwurst at the christmas market and spend all of his sister's money in the process... :P Well, who could blame him eh?

I have to say I'm praying quite a bit about the flight back home as knowing my own country and it's often utter incompetence in dealing with 'difficult' weather, I certainly would not like to spend christmas in Bremen airport -sorry, but living in Germany has made me so much more unsympathetic towards the british transport system, which seems to find any excuse to stop running!

On Saturday I went to listen to the Weihnachtsoratorium (christmas oratory?) by J.S. Bach at one of the lutheran churches in Göttingen with my housemate. It was only parts 1 to 3 but it was nevertheless very long. Good mostly, but long! For those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about (and probably rightly so), click here.
It's a mixture of sung Bible verses on the birth of Jesus and words Bach wrote himself as praise to God. It really did my heart good to be able to read the words as they were being sung too as there was just so much wonderful truth in them!

Sunday, I was at church in the morning and then at my house groups' christmas party in the evening. I haven't laughed so much in a long time! After food and general chit-chat we ended up playing some silly games -Globe cafe worthy I must say- before we reinacted the christmas account FeG style... So, we each were called to go out of the room one by one and were told which person we'd be playing (at first we had no idea we'd be doing the nativity) and acquired an object to help describe our character. I played Mary -yes, jumper up t-shirt to mimick pregnancy included- a role I haven't played since I was about 5! Anyway, so the narrator told the story and each time we heard our names we had to say something or make a noise...you can imagine the hysterics at the end when we were all gathered around an oversized, spectacled, baby Jesus who was sprawled on the floor more like a fly on his back, legs flailing in the air, than a child sleeping serenely in a manger!

All things school-wise are pretty good. I'm finishing off a christmas quiz on what the Brits do at christmas and about our quirky traditions. At some point this week I desperately need to finish off my christmas shopping!! It's not the mooching and window-gazing I dislike, it's just that shopping is far more difficult when 1. You don't know what to get someone. 2. All the shops are crammed full of people and 3. There's just too much choice! I am not the best woman for making decisions. Ah well, I'm not a Scrooge really, I just hate disappointing people.

I've been listening to a bit of Rufus Wainwright too recently and never quite realised what a good poet he is. Listen to this.

The Word became flesh

'The Christmas story has something to say to those of us who crave to be great. There is One who is gloriously greater than anything in heaven and on earth. He became cursedly low, so that we would become greater in Christ than we could ever imagine. We don’t need to sinfully desire love and adoration, for we have been so adored by God, whose love would satisfy us more than the admiration of those impressed with us. Herein is love: Though we rebelliously sought to be like God, God humbled himself and became like us.'

Read the rest here.

La Carnaval des Animaux

Disney used this piece of music (The Aquarium) from Le Carnaval des Animaux by the french romantic composer, Camille Saint-Saens, for Beauty and the Beast. Ok, so I do listen to classic fm (where I heard this piece) and Radio 4 -yes, by rights I ought to be a well-spoken, southern, privately educated, tweed-jacketed, slightly eccentric university professor to be listening to such things...?

It made me think back to my childhood; of the times when Disney cartoons were only to be found on video; when my Dad had significantly more hair and I wore red Harry Potter-like glasses -because red was cool!!

Another one I like from the same suite is Fossils and, of course, the Swan. Both pretty famous and just wonderful in their own right.

Blessings in Disguise

I want to share a few things that have really blessed me over the last few days:

1. Starting to read Helen Roseveare's 'He gave us a valley'. I actually couldn't sleep after reading the first four chapters (could not put it down) because I was so convicted to think and pray.

2. Talking to my Dad and hearing how, after a candidate for the pastorship was unable to preach because he was snowed in, he was so convicted in his heart to actually preach himself on 'seeking the man of God's choice', that he did just that (believe me, I know my Dad and this is strange-he tried to get another preacher but clearly the Lord had other plans). And that not only was it well received (never a sure sign of blessing) but that afterwards a few came over to tell him that it deeply convicted them to take the issue seriously and corrected some wrong thinking. He said that it was truly humbling to be lead by the Spirit and used in such a way.

3. Chatting to my brother and hearing answers to my prayers. Hearing how he is a blessing to the CU from my friends, as well as once again realising just how much of an example he is to me to be godly.

4. Reading a friend's prayer letter and finding out that although his brother recently died after a long battle with cancer, just days before he left this world he prayed with my friend for forgiveness and received Christ. Amen! What great comfort and even joy in what is still heart-rending.

5. For the blessing of forgetting my own conscious self in the midst of a prayer meeting and just praying without fear or embarrassment, knowing that God hears the requests of my heart and chooses to bless others through it.

6. Gazing out of the window and biking to work and just being captivated by the sheer beauty of a white, crisp landscape.

7. Experienced such answer to prayer in my lessons today. Both went extremely well despite being a bit unsure as to how they were going to turn out and despite also being pretty tired from not sleeping well or very much at all lately. Also, experiencing renewed joy in my work.

Praise God for them all!

Cheer up, it's Friday!

Friday has never been a productive day for me. I get hopelessly distracted by the tiniest of things and simply end up draining the time away doing seemingly pointless and unfulfilling meanderings, pretty much just whatever takes my fancy. Oh and then I feel really guilty afterwards and hurriedly try to make up for lost time on a saturday- to little or no avail. But I reckon today's an exception!

There really is some satisfaction from doing the cleaning, or at least the satisfaction of getting an unavoidable and not always pleasant task out of the way. I have respect for housewives and cleaners. Anyway, cleaning is soooo much better with Einaudi's Nightbook played LOUD! It takes me back to good times at university and the time I went to see/hear Einaudi and his ensemble play 'Nightbook' at Warwick Arts Centre with Jasmine and Camilla.

I just always think it's incredible how particular tunes, smells, textures, colours remind me of certain people or places. There are quite frankly some pieces of music I just can't listen to without blubbing and others I'll quite happily leap around the room to like a crazed dancer -no joke, but another friend of mine dreamed one night that I was in front of our CU at uni in a sparkly leotard teaching the whole CU to dance... Not sure what's worse, that I wore nothing but a sparkly leotard or that she dreamed it at all!

Apologies, my Friday tendency to wander is kicking in again. So, this morning I listened to a talk by Don Carson which, I have to say, although was meant to be for new christians or interested non-believers, was nice and meaty. The series is 'The God Who is There'. I've also been going through Matthew in my quiet times recently and started Mark this morning. Honestly, I can't get over how refreshing it is to read the gospel accounts again. I feel it's made the humanity of Christ so much more tangible to me as I know I have a dreadful tendency to make God out simply to be a demanding Ruler, my mistake being that I sometimes find it very difficult to believe that God loves me and often miss out that all of His Laws are perfect and right and are for my good. That old sin, rebellion, stakes it's claims on my heart again. Often, I stupidly think that I can't always come to God with some of my shame, indeed because I myself am so ashamed of my sin that it can be difficult to grasp that His grace is unending and so deep that I could never reach the bottom of it even with all of the time eternity provides.

What is difficult at the moment and often unnerving, however, is how I have come to realise just how much of who I thought I was rested upon other people's opinions, or at least upon how they viewed me- or more accurately, how I perceived they viewed me. Such an identity is illusiary. If I'm honest, that kind of identity isn't really any identity at all simply because it is inconstant, it fluctuates from person to person so that you could theoretically be multiple identities at the same time. Man sees the outside and chooses what he wants to see. His perception is skewed and if a person tries to model him or herself upon such an unsteady, perceived image then he or she will be left bankrupt, robbed in fact of any personality whatsoever.

Thank God He's showing me this now. If having to speak another language and living in a foreign country has had to be the means for showing me this, then I am grateful. However, it does make me wonder what I am really like. Desperately sinful and ashamed for one, undeserving of any good gift, fit to be tossed aside, discarded and destroyed. I am without wisdom, intelligence, wit, honesty, love, patience, understanding, am prone to anger, heartlessness, cowardice, and harmful gossip.

But understading the gospel means that I am, yes, all of the above but God has so loved me even before the foundation of the world that He became flesh and lived exactly the way I could not, and died to scrape away the scum in my life. It is only understanding that who I am is actually a healed and new creation in Jesus Christ that there is true freedom. I have a far better identity in the One who was pierced and in whose righteousness I now stand than in any make-shift, skizophrenic, temporary identity I could ever create. Realising this daily is of course the hard part. It's easy to pander to human will and get swept along with the crowd. I was encouraged however skipping to 2 Corinthians this morning:

'For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.' 2 Cor 5:15.

Last night I went to house group and afterwards Lord's Supper at church, both were actually quite encouraging. I had forgotten just how great it is to pray with other christians and to share communion with believers. Praying in a foreign language is so much easier when you just pray! Just having something on your heart to pray about really means that you actually pray and stop worrying what complicated word order you're going to have to demonstrate where all three verbs appear at the end of the sentence...

Oh how I love german! It's mind-boggling most of the time yet shows another wonderful, complex part of God's creation. Language is so fascinating. Speaking of language, despite my love of all things german I simply couldn't face having to listen to a ridiculously squeaky and not-so-evil sounding Voldemort german dub and so must shamefully admit that I'll be watching the original version of Harry Potter at the cinema tonight. You just can't beat a bit of Ralph Fiennes.

Anyway, in random Friday fashion, check out Sara Groves. I just love her songs. She is so painfully honest in her lyrics, combines this with, I think, enchanting composition and solid Bible truth: Sara Groves – What Do I Know, and another I quite like is Sara Groves – The Word.

Fig Leaves.

...But shame and concealment don't stop with food. They're in the empty bottles, stashed in the wardrobe or the car boot. The rows of outfits with the price tags still attached. The maxed-out credit card. The shaking fingers, the sleeping tablets. The frenetic cleaning. The altar of work. The holidays, the schools, the job, the grades. These things act as storm breakers against the tides of criticism and self-contempt. But the shelter they offer is as illusiory as the identity they shore up.

And, despite the rebranding, they're not new strategies either. These bone-wearying, soul-destroying, life-denying attempts to cover our shame are simply fig leaves by another name. And just as effective. No, just as Adam and Eve learnt - to deal with sin and to deal with our shame takes more than our efforts. It takes sacrifice. Blood. But not mine - no-matter how deep I cut. Another died to clothe them in the garments they didn't deserve (Gen 3:21).

Read the rest here.

Sad News

We never know how long we'll have on this earth-something that was reinforced to me yesterday after hearing that one of my neighbours from home had suddenly died. It has quite shocked our little Close where the neighbours are good friends with one another. Tragically, my neighbour's daughter, who I also went to school with, celebrated her 21st a few days ago and now less than a week later has to bury her father. I can't quite get over just how shocking it is. It's like a smack in the face that quite rightly has brought me back to see life as it really is.

Talking to my parents yesterday it became quite clear to me just how as christians we are never left wondering what has happened to someone. In many ways, it makes the death of an unsaved friend or family member more unbearable because if we believe God's Word to be true on the matter, then there is only one of two places a person will go. What wasted opportunities. My neighbour will never have the chance to hear the gospel again. Yet, God is sovereign. Lest we get carried away by guilt and all of the 'shoulds' or 'coulds' that may torment us, we must always understand that He is in control and that He is the God of all comfort.

If you are reading this and can spare a moment to pray, please remember the Raines family and pray for my parents, that they'd be able to support their neighbours during this difficult time.

Bright autumn happenings

The Botanical Gardens in Göttingen, before all the stunning colours disappeared into a mushy, wet greyness.

My AMAZING 21st Birthday cake! It had yummy chocolate mousse in the middle

and fresh cream on the top...was jus perfik.


There's always a disapproving look on my Mum's face whenever she looks at photos of me and her together as she thinks I don't even look remotely like her daughter. Well... I suppose, she's, er, right. But I like this picture anyway :) It was taken on the top of the Plesse Burg, a nearby big hill with a Rapunzel-like tower and has a fantastic view of the valley.


View from the top of the tower.

One of those Brothers Grimm sort of forests.

Herbstferien Antics 2. Leipzig

I have been completely useless at updating people on what I got up to over the autumn holidays! Here's a few more tasty morcels...hopefully.

Here is the Thomas Kirche where Bach composed many of his cantatas and had his works first performed here. There isn't much to it on the inside in that it isn't ornately decorated, but there is a memorial to Bach and flowers are laid on it daily.




And here's the man himself... looking very dour.

I have to say that I found Leipzig to be a really interesting place to visit. It was quite fascinating (in a geeky way) to see where Goethe stopped for a few pints and where he is supposed to have come up with a few ideas for Faust.
Oh and did you know that Bach wrote a song about coffee? I kid not. I have it from the coffee museum in Leizig (which was also very very cool because it was also still a cafe and all the way around the museum I could smell cake and coffee, yum) that in order to discourage his students from drinking too much coffee he thought he'd write a song about it! And you thought all these stuffy old composers where out of touch eh? Still, he probably had a point...



So, you've probably realised by now that I quite like looking at interesting buildings. I admit I am a bit geeky in that way. There's just so many cool things to look at in Germany. Nearly every little town has its own Town Hall, which generally tend to be really really old and often with lots of brightly coloured stripes, pictures of ancient knights, even gargoyles sometimes. Quite imaginative and sometimes a bit fairy-tale-ish (Volksmärchen is just a much better word, sorry) I've seen loads of dancing men -not literally of course, that practise was banned in 1982- on the tops of rooves and quirky ornamentations, not to mention that there seems to be a turret-frenzy. It's quite weird seeing the very modern against the incredibly old, especially all in one house!

Anyway, here's the Rathaus in Leipzig. Not the best picture I think but it'll have to do folks. It was so massive and there was so much construction work going on that I couldn't really get a shot of it from farther away.

Here's the main high street. Cold, wet, not ideal weather for city touring but it made for a good excuse to sit in a cafe with my friend Vicky for an hour or two and sup coffee whilst savouring the delights of a humungous slice of german cake.









This was painted all the way across a massive wall next to a car park. This one depicts the fall of the Berlin Wall. The rest of the painting depicted Martin Luther and the march on Washington during the Civil Rights Movement and also something random with a hot-air balloon which I think was meant to stand for unity. My memory fails me now, that's what happens when you post things weeks after the event!

Finally, the river in Autumn.

Piper on singleness.

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/single-in-christ-a-name-better-than-sons-and-daughters

This has got to be the best and the sweetest sermon I have ever heard on singleness for the kingdom of God. It is not in the least patronising as many other talks on this issue have seemed to me to be, but rather it's just bursting with Bible truth, which is why it's so hearty. Unfortunately, I was unable to download the video or audio and couldn't even share it to blogger for some strange reason -ah technology- but the link should do it. I highly recommend it.

Randy Alcorn on hell

I read this recently, amongst the stacks of other books I'm slowing getting through, and have been meaning to post it for a while. I was speechless after reading the chapter on hell. After all, how can you read a book on heaven and the new heavens and new earth without talking about hell? God moved me through reading it to pray more fervently for those I love who are without salvation in Christ.


God and Satan are not equal opposites. Likewise, Hell is not Heaven's equal opposite. Just as God has no equal as a person, Heaven has no equal as a place.

Hell will be agonisingly dull, small, and insignificant, without company, purpose, or accomplishment. It will not have its own stories; it will merely be a footnote in history, a crack in the pavement. As the new universe moves gloriously onward, Hell and its occupants will exist in utter inactivity and insignificance, an eternal non-life of regret and-perhaps-diminishing personhood.

Scripture says of those who die without Jesus, "They will be punished with everlasting destruction and shut out from the presence of the Lord and from the majesty of His power" (2 Thessalonians 1:9). Because God is the source of all good, and Hell is the absence of God, Hell must also be the absence of all good. Likewise, community, fellowship, and friendship are good, rooted in the triune God himself. But in the absence of God, Hell will have no community, no camaraderie, no friendship. I don't believe Hell is a place where demons take delight in punishing people and where people commiserate over their fate. More likely, each person is in solitary confinement, just as the rich man is portrayed alone in Hell (Luke 16:22-23). Misery loves company, but there will be nothing to love in Hell.

Earth is an in-between world touched by both Heaven and Hell. Earth leads directly into Heaven or directly into Hell, affording a choice between the two. The best of life on Earth is a glimpse of Heaven; the worst of life is a glimpse of Hell. For Christians, this life is the closest they will come to Hell. For unbelievers, it is the closest they will come to Heaven.

The reality of the choice that lies before us in this life is both wonderful and awful. Given the reality of our two possible destinations, shouldn't we be willing to pay any price to avoid Hell and go to Heaven? And yet, the price has already been paid. "You were bought at a price" (1 Corinthians 6:20). The price paid was exorbitant-the shed blood of God's Son, Jesus Christ.

Randy Alcorn, Heaven (Tyndale House Publishers Inc, 2004) pp. 27-8

http://video.nationalgeographic.com/video/player/news/environment-news/nsf-oil-plumes-joye-vin.html

Something educational...

CU and the Parsons come to town.

I sadly haven't had much to time to blog or add any more pictures at the moment, due to lesson prep and the fact that my parents are coming to visit this weekend! I finally feel like I am earning the right to go to bed now. Before it just felt like a bit of an extended holiday. But amongst lesson preparation and arranging after-school help it was really refreshing to go along to the CU (SMD) on Wednesday again. It thrilled me to chat about theology in german... the topic for this term is 'Was glaubst du denn wirklich?' 'What do you really believe?', note the stress being on the 'really'! We looked at the Apostles' Creed, the Nicean Creed and the Bramer Erklärung (??), which was knocking around during the time of national socialism. We ended up working in smaller groups, discussing how we would make up a creed or relevant 'statement of faith' that would be particularly good in addressing a multi-cultural/religious society. So, obviously things like stating that Jesus is the only Way to the Father got in there -though how you could leave that out during any epoch I have no idea!

What sort of annoyed me a bit though was that throughout the entire evening no one reached for a Bible. I was a bit astounded that everyone was saying things like 'oh yeah, we need to say that we believe the Bible is the Word of God' and yet no one actually looked inside one for evidence of why we believe what we do! (Don't worry, a sufficient number of fingers were pointing back at me too.)

Interestingly though, the issue of the resurrection came up in our little group. Thus ensued a lengthy discussion as to whether or not it ought to be included in our self-made (and note, key-word only, ok so very hard to do) creed. Erm, yeah. So, there was a bit of talk about whether it was so important that Jesus was raised bodily or not and whether or not we can be sure of that... by not being raised bodily I am guessing they mean figuratively but how on earth you could actually grab that from the gospels beats me. But maybe I am just intellectually thwarted, such is life!

Then came the 'well, do you need to believe that Jesus was raised from the dead in order to be a christian?'. Flicking to Romans 10:9 seemed to clear up, at least, that believing that God raised Christ from the dead is just as much an essential part of the gospel as trusting that Jesus' death was to pay for our sins. Again, because my mind wasn't actually functioning at 100 percent efficiency (that's what having to teach at 7.50am does to you!) I stupidly didn't have any other passages in mind until suddenly on Thursday morning passages like John 11:17-46 came to me; when Jesus raises Lazarus and also claims to be the resurrection and the life. Or, 1 Corinthians 15... such an amazing chapter! Basically, that without Jesus being physically resurrected we have no evidence and certainly no assurance to say that our sins are forgiven, because where is the proof that the price is paid, or even that we have an eternal Mediator between us and God the Father? Plus, we make God out to be a liar and His Word too (note just how many times Paul says 'according to the Scriptures'). We have no reason to believe that we will receive a wonderfully new and stain-free-from-sin body at the judgement day- if of course there even is a judgement day if God the Father, His Word, and His Son too are all liars. And to top it all off, it would make all christians the most pitied people, or at least the people who ought to be pitied the most!

Praise God that Christ is risen then and that it is an essential part of the gospel! Without the resurrection we are completely and utterly lost.

Moving on, my parents are coming to visit this weekend! I can't wait to see them, just to catch up, show them what I've been getting up to and then laugh at how ridiculous communication is going to be between my parents and my flatmate... My Mum can speak a tiny bit of german, Dad can't at all (though he did try learning french) and my flatmate can speak a tiny bit of english. Guess who'll have their work cut out! Sunday at church should be interesting.
Although I turn the (apparently) big 2-1 on Sunday, I keep forgetting that it's going to be my birthday, I think just because I'm not at home or with my usual friends and I've just so been looking forward to seeing my parents. Peter Pan had the right idea I think.

On that note, it's now far too late. I'm not the 'early to bed and early to rise' type, so that probably doesn't make me very wise...

God's Grandeur

THE WORLD is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man’s smudge and shares man’s smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.
And for all this, nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs—
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings. Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844–89). Poems. 1918.

Attention girls!!

I highly recommend reading this blog: http://www.emmascrivener.org.uk/index.html
particularly the 'My Story' bit.

Guys, you ought to read it too of course :P

Herbstferien Antics 1. (Bremen)

Trendy-looking Bremen (cathedral spires in the background).

Me looking rather foolish stroking a bronze (?) pig. Tourists eh...
(Ok, so the dress isn't actually that short... I just have a rather annoying coat.)

A view of the River Weser at dusk.

So this was a slightly odd ritual to observe... the guy was sweeping beer-bottle tops down the steps of the cathedral and then some other guy was chucking them back up at him! Wikipedia says (also verified by my flatmate!) that "when a man reaches the age of 30 and is not married, he must sweep the cathedral steps until a young lady gives him a kiss and then he is released from his duty. Women who reach their thirtieth birthday unmarried go to polish the cathedral doorknobs in the company of friends and family until they are released by the kiss of a young man"

Germans like writing on walls, a lot! Bit of a dodgy translation though (left).

Not sure if you can see it, but if you look very, very carefully you may be able to see the ridiculously pointy knees this statue has. They're like 3 inches long!! It's tradition to touch these strange knees. Obviously, I couldn't resist...

The long tomorrow.

The church is being constantly tempted to accept this world as her home... but if she is wise she will consider that she stands in the valley between the mountain peaks of eternity past and eternity to come. The past is gone forever and the present is passing as swift as the the shadow on the sundial of Ahaz. Even if the earth should continue a million years not one of us could stay to enjoy it. We do well to think of the long tomorrow.

A. W. Tozer

My trusty companion, who gets me to work and back and pretty much everywhere, aka my lovely bike! Ok, well it may not be the trendiest thing ever produced in the history of bicycles, but it was free. You know what they say, 'never look a gift horse in the mouth'!
I basically just flopped down here and admired the view for a wee while.
Kiessee is in the background.






Here's Kiessee, but I guess once you've seen one lake, you've seen them all! It's a bit non-descript, but a nice place nonetheless to just go and chill on a warm, autumn day.





Thought I'd better conclude with something a bit more cultural. Here's the Deutsches Theater, Göttingen, which I do intend to visit at some point but haven't gotten round to it yet. I think it looks more like an english stately home... a bit of Austen wouldn't seem out of place!


More pictures to follow soon.

Just to prove I am actually in Germany...

It's about time I put up a few pictures of Göttingen and of my various adventures so here goes...


These were taken in Duderstadt during my first weekend in Germany when I was staying with my personal tutor. It's a quaint little town with lots of country markets and fayres going on. From right to left it the rather interesting Rathaus (town hall) and then a catholic church, the name which I have quite lamely forgotten. But I'm sure you can all find it for yourselves!

Here is the Kloster in Altenberg, just south of Cologne, where I had my induction with the British Council and the PAD. It's quite an amazing piece of architecture, though the picture doesn't really do it justice! It's worth a visit. The inside isn't quite as ornate but does contain some interesting history about the area.






These sculptures are in one of the graveyards in Göttingen! They seem to have turned half of the graveyard into a park and there's a really nice lake and play area for kids. Sadly however, graffiti seems not only to be an english problem...






And here is the River Leine, just west of Göttingen. A couple of weeks ago I cycled south alongside the Leine to a large boating lake called Kiessee, getting slightly lost along the way because the biking map I had was really small, plus the signs weren't great, and so I ended riding alongside a tributary to the river and then stopping after about 20 minutes thinking it strange that I was still travelling west! Anyway, I found my way to Kiessee in the end.


Where I live, in Weende in the north of Göttingen, there's masses of countryside and farmers' fields, which made my bike ride even more enjoyable!

This has certainly been a painful day. 1. because I'm starting with a lovely cough, cold and headache, and 2. because I just bought a new laptop to replace my Toshiba. There's nothing quite so difficult as having to part with more than half of your first month's wages on a laptop that you shouldn't really be buying but due to international incompetency is deemed necessary!

On returning to the computer technician to get a quote for a change of the mother board, I was promptly told that the shop neither stocks nor orders parts for Toshiba. Then I found out that no one in Göttingen stocks or sells anything for Toshiba... the nearest place is the european toshiba centre in Neuss or possibly Hamburg...way too far away.

Then followed an afternoon of being passed from one person to another on the phone. PC World wanted nothing to do with me but put me through to toshiba, then toshiba passed me to the 'tech guys', who said that 'I could just take it into any Currys or PC World store and have it repaired'. hmmm we all know what the problem is there! I could possibly get my parents to take it back with them after they visit in November, but then I'd be without a laptop until christmas, meaning I'd spend more money on phone calls etc and just not be able to access my emails. Not really a viable option.
So finally I was put back through to Toshiba in the UK who gave me the number for Germany... dialled that...cue automated voice menu and a choice of either paying extra to speak to a technician (bearing in mind I already know what the problem is) or visit the website. So... yeah. I looked on the website on my housemate's laptop and again met the same problem, only this time it was even more amusing as it seems that my make of laptop is only sold in the UK and Ireland! Wonderful.

So kurz und bündig, it was either somehow get it picked up by Toshiba even though the german hotline number and website are just naff and don't give you any proper information as to how to do that. Plus it's also expensive because the laptop is out of warranty so I'd have to pay to get it picked up on top of whatever repairs they do.... result= hefty bill for a laptop that might not last me until the end of my degree. Or, simply do away with the hassle and buy a new one. Guess which one I went for. Though I must admit, I still did it rather begrudgingly!

Ah the fun of having to learn words like 'Arbeitsspeicher' and 'Betriebssystem'... There's some use at least to having your laptop go kaputt.

unwise

I sometimes wonder whether God really knows what He's doing. Don't you? Or, rather I should perhaps rephrase that. I often have no idea why God is doing what He is doing -most probably because I am not very holy, nor very godly, nor at all wise- and therefore doubt whether there is really a point to what I am doing.

I hesitate in writing this because I fear I may be misunderstood. But what is it then that I really doubt about God? Do I not believe in providence? Do I not believe that He has a work of some sort for me to do? Does His Word not say that He has promised to bring that good work He has started in me to completion at the day of Christ? Does He also not say that He is faithful and just to forgive me when I confess my sin and fling myself on Christ?

I know this. I explain it to others. I read it daily and thank the Lord for it. But in truth, I actually live very little of this out. The old struggle between head and heart rears its ugly head.

The thing with having head and heart knowledge is that you can't have one without the other, or you're in danger of swinging to extremes. The one being a wishy-washy, lovey-dovey, touchy-feely relationship with God that has neither evidential basis, nor stamina, nor discipline. This thrives in showing the world how to love, but does not give a reason for it, meaning that this kind of relationship flounders at the first rock, pit or wave and leaves the believer lost at sea in a storm of doubt and disbelief. The other is stern, often cold, distant, so intellectual that only intellectuals (or those who think they're intellectuals) are attraced to it; and because it demands little in the way of practical application it can be followed without the believer really having to change his or her attitude, thus creating an unloving follower. In both extremes, I think the believer becomes despondant about their relationship with God and so ineffective in true gospel witness.

Those are pretty wild extremes! I hope neither myself, nor anyone I know, will ever reach such dreadful extremes. But I recognise both struggles within myself. It is difficult if not impossible in this life as a sinner to remain on the middle line, so using both heart and mind for the glory of God.

Language geek.

I had my first japanese lesson yesterday, which was fun and profoundly interesting, but also fairly difficult!! Due to the whole learning another different 'alphabet' (ok- characters) I feel like I'm about 3 and learning how to read again! It's all greek... or japanese to me.

I think since meeting japanese students at university through the international work with the CU, I've become more and more interested in East Asia. I can't even really explain it properly but the prospect of learning either chinese or japanese has been tempting me for quite a while. So, they're not the easiest languages to learn -probably the understatement of the year- but from what I can see japanese sees to be 'slightly' easier because there isn't so much tonal work when pronouncing the words.

The course is apparently 'intesiv', as the hungarian teacher told me, who's accent has a strange rolling but soft-spoken quality to it, meaning that I have to listen very carefully when he speaks german. No doubt it is brilliant german listening practise and because it is all translated into german it means I have to use my brain even more, whoop! I never thought I would actually relish study this much.

But well, a bit of the old german vocab learning is calling me hither on this rather grey, saturday afternoon. There's at least one good thing with starting to study an east asian language though... you can't get any of it mixed up with german!

Gentle rebuke.

Well, I've come to the end of another week-my fourth in Germany! And I have to say that I have been humbled by how God has taken care of so much, even the things that I didn't really think or pray about but which He knew I needed.

So often I categorise my prayers. I begin mostly talking about ME. 'Lord, I really don't like/understand what's going on. Please could you change the situation?'. 'Lord, I have this humongous, fat, juicy problem that is really stopping ME from doing what I want. Please make it go away!' 'Lord, I realise that you want to deal with me first, that's why I'm not spending as much time praying for others.'- notice the justification for being selfish!

Ok, so it's not that God doesn't care about me, because it is right that I take my petitions to Him. I need to keep short accounts with the Lord so that I don't lose my joy in Christ because of sin that's not been dealt with. Neither do I want to become spiritually dry and so simply go through the motions, because I've neglected spending time in the quiet just speaking with God. Nor is it right that I keep things from the Lord that really are burdening me and feel heavy. Doesn't the Lord say that He will give us rest from our burdens and peace in Him when we do bring our petitions before Him? Matthew 11:28-30. In fact, Philippians 4:6-7 has been in my mind almost every day since arriving in Germany and starting out afresh.

'do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hears and your minds in Christ Jesus.'

How amazing is that 'peace which surpasses all understanding'!!

Yet, as a woman who still sins and is still very selfish at heart I have felt the Lord gently rebuking me this week. I had a chat to my Dad on the phone yesterday who updated me on family stuff, church, friends, neighbours etc. I was very saddened by some of the news, some of which was about people I've known for a long time. Other bits and bobs were good to hear, some was interesting, and of course hearing of my brother's tendency to forget important things was rather amusing for me as his sister...

But what I really felt God hitting home to me was how easy it is to become very self-centred in thoughts and prayers. I easily justify only praying for myself. I admit, and shamefully so, that it can be a chore to pray for others or at least even to remember to pray for others! That's how selfish the human heart is!

But that verse in Philippians, as always, is not just to be lifted out and cherished as a justification for personal and selfish prayer. In only 2:3-4 it says, 'Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.' Why? Because Christ 'humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross' 2v8. If Christ looked to the interests of others in the ultimate sense, in dying for unworthy sinners to cleanse, heal and justify them, then I, for the very fact that I am now saved by what Jesus has done, ought to have the same mind and the same heart.

I confess, I fail miserably. But I do believe that the first step on the road to actively doing things for others out of a motivation of love, is by first praying for them. I thank God that He is showing me how selfish I am so that I can confess this sin and be changed by the work of the Holy Spirit.

On a more practical level, there is now a sheet of paper stuck to my wall where I write down those who are in need of prayer. I always think it good to have practical application so I am hopeful that this little but simple aid will help to focus my mind more on the needs of others!

a small and probably incoherant thought!

I've been greatly encouraged reading 1 and 2 Chronicles in my quiet times recently and so thought I'd share a few of the things I feel God has been laying on my heart.

1 Chronicles 29. v1 'Soloman my own son, whom alone God has chosen, is young and inexperienced, and the work is great, for the palace will not be for man but for the Lord God.'

David is not airy-fairy about the fact that building a temple for the Lord of the universe is hard. He is realistic. Soloman is young and fairly inexperienced as a leader. He is yet to ask for wisdom from God and up until this chapter we know relatively little about his spiritual character. All we know is that David had it on his heart to build a temple for the worship of the Lord, so he has gathered materials and prepared workers with which Solomon can start off the building work.

Yet, the fact that Soloman is young and inexperienced doesn't seem to be the main reason for why the work is difficult. Often, as christians we think that the work the Lord has given us to do is tough because we face great adversity in carrying out what the world despises. We find it hard because we are persecuted, physically, mentally and/or spiritually; because our work colleagues, friends, even family forsake us; because we would quite simply rather have an easier life doing something that we enjoy far more; because we'd rather be in a different location with better or more suitable weather; because we don't like the people we will have to carry out the work with or for; because we feel inexperienced or lacking in tact and skill.

These things are most often why we may feel the work is tough, and most of them are real enough reasons! But here, the stress is on the fact that the 'palace will not be for man but for God'. The work is great because of who it is done for.

Often I foolishly think think that it's the other way around. I feel far more pressure to do the work (whatever that may be) well for other people rather than for God! Yet when the God of the universe chooses you to do a particular task, despite (or maybe because of) youth, inexperience, lack of skills or knowledge, lack of personal qualities such as patience etc, we are expected to do it willingly.

Willingness to give to the Lord's work is more important than an abundance of skills and abilities, and far more important than a lack of them! vv14-15 show this, yet of course we are sinful. We may never willingly want to complete the task God has set before us. That is why David prays in vv18-19 for God to 'keep such purposes and thoughts in the hearts of the people.' The only way that they can offer 'freely and joyously' (v17), is by God's grace working in and through them. That is why in v19 the prayer given for Soloman is that he would have a whole heart, that he would have no division or idolatry within his heart but that he would be completely consecrated to the work and so 100% committed. Even in the previous chapter David makes a point of reminding Soloman exactly who he is working for and therefore how indeed he should work:
'And you, Soloman my son, know the God of your father and serve him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches the hearts and understands every plan and thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him , he will cast you off forever. Be careful now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary; be strong and do it.'

The only way we can carry out the work for the Lord both well and willingly is when we realise who it is we are truly working for, thus throwing ourselves upon God's goodness and asking Him to change us.

A Tune! and extract from what I've been reading...

Stille, mein Wille! Dein Jesus hilft siegen;
Trage geduldig das Leiden, die Not;
Gott ist's, der alles zum Besten will fügen,
Der dir getreu bleibt in Schmerzen und Tod.
Stille, mein Wille! Dein Jesus wird machen
Glücklichen Ausgang bedenklicher Sachen.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to joyful end.

Katharina von Schlegel 1752. Trans. Jane Borthwick 1855.


'It is not necessary to be a linguist, anthropologist, theologian or even evangelist to qualify as a missionay. A willingness to laugh at yourself and flow with sometimes unpleasant surroundings is more important than degrees, special skills or natural talents. As with all of us, God is not so concerned with our ability as He is our availability.' Larry Dinkins, Help! My Halo's Slipping, (1990) pp.178-9

Japan

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-11219492

Very sad. Surely this should make we who have the gospel desire even more fervently to take this message of life to those who are dying in their sin.

Death is not simply an economic problem that is solved by extra funds being plowed into the economy. Nor is depression so wholly emotional that a 'minimum level of happiness' can be achieved by using the right techniques in psychotherapy.

Death is unnatural to the immortal soul. There is no rest or peace in death, if when living, life was not lived to the full, that is, life knowing Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour; an intimate, personal and joyful relationship with God for which we were created and so find fulfillment in.

Economic structures and awareness campaigns neither bring life nor the desire to live. Only the life-giver, Jesus Christ, can give that.

Romans 10:14,15
How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!'

Changing rooms eat your heart out.

This time two weeks ago I had arrived in Germany and was staying with my tutor. I can't believe how much has happened in such a short space of time- found a flat, moved in, been to Cologne and back, done some 'study', opened a bank account, signed my life away on contracts, got a landline, internet, been to school (and actually taught a lesson!!), met so many people that I can't remember all their names, met the former english language assistant, and done so much walking I think I could have hiked up Everest by now!

Oh but the food is great! Well, it takes me a while to make my way around the supermarket because there's so many nice and shiny things, or interesting names for things like 'baking powder' (Backpulver if you're interested). Trouble is I couldn't remember it when I went to the shop this evening so I fruitlessly scanned the aisles. But it certainly makes shopping fun!
The only thing that was slightly confusing was the european shoe and clothes' size, which meant I had to try on a million coats before I found the right size. 20 minutes later, like a typical woman some would say, I left the shop still without a coat. Indecision, we've all been there.

School is fun. Maybe that's just because I'm not a pupil! I participated in a banking class yesterday, just going around and checking work. The students have a few lessons a week on the theory of banking and also learn business english, which even I found hard, and then they spend a month or so I think on a placement. I really enjoyed that class mainly because they were all a bit older and just really wanted to learn.

Today I actually taught a lesson on my own, which I'm not really supposed to do but well I don't think the British Council would hang me for it. Anyway, it was a 12th grade class I think and the teacher asked me if I would work with 6 other students in another room, 4 of whom had german as their second language because they either came from Kazakhstan or Russia. A challenge... hmmm well the material that their teacher gave me to do was definitely too difficult for them as well as for me seeing as I didn't have a dictionary and was having to translate sentences to do with business into german! Still in some ways it was good practise. Though I really feel for these girls who have to do their exams at the end of the year and don't even seem able to properly introduce themselves in english. The problem with most school systems is that they just can't help teenagers with an immigrant background simply because there's neither the time nor resources. Language courses at the Volkschule here in Germany, a kind of adult school, are not that expensive but still take up time and may not be seen as a necessity for young people who are meant to be getting their education in school.

Tomorrow I shall be flexing my DIY muscles and putting up a couple of bookshelves come clothes racks, as well as cleaning off an old comfy chair that a very kind friend of my housemate's has given me along with the shelves. So my room doesn't feel quite so big now and my voice doesn't echo quite as much! It isn't a highly colour coordinated room but it does have a MASSIVE map of Deutschland that my housemate also gave me... and it's a kid's one so it has lots of rather amusing pictures portraying various towns and attractions!

Another thing I haven't quite gotten used to is looking the right way when crossing the road, which proved a little scarier when I used my housemate's bike to go food shopping and almost went down the wrong side of the road! I don't really want to experience the german health system just yet. So, it's been an eventful week so far and God-willing I shall live to see the next!

Amazed by God's goodness

I haven't realy had a lot of time, or rather enough internet access to be able to blog recently, so I feel like I have loads to say but don't quite know how to say it! Expect this in a few installments...

Since arriving in Germany last tuesday I have been astounded at how much God cares for me. I can't even remember all the times He answered prayer for things like safe travel, finding accommodation, meeting people and making friends, language skills, finding a church etc. The build up to going away was quite stressful at times and I'll admit that I was often quite short with my parents. But I thank God that they are so supportive.

There is still loads of official type stuff to do and I really feel like I haven't stopped since I got here. The induction I've just been on in Cologne took up most of this week and to be honest I feel shattered- bring on the 5.30 am start tomorrow...
I have to admit that today as I was pulling away from Cologne I started to get the first twinges of a bit of homesickness, not for my county, as I've never been particularly patriotic, but for my friends and family. At times over the last week I have felt lonely and certainly exasperated with my lack of language knowledge. But then I realised earlier just how selfish I've been. To be honest most of my prayers have been about me. Yet after reading a few emails and catching up with others at the induction I realise just how many others are having a worse a time of it! How it is so easy to forget that the world, other than your own personalised one, still exists and there are many people who need prayer. Reading 'Help, my halo's slipping' by Larry Dinkins lately has been particularly helpful too, but reading his account of missionary work in Thailand makes me realise just how little I really pray for others and yet how essential that is to the work.

Anyway, will write more later but am off to read and get an early night.

Last night in England

The time has come for me to leave! Well, almost. It still seems a bit surreal that by this time tomorrow I'll be in Gottingen and starting what I hope will be an amazing nine months there. The prospect of experiencing german culture and getting to grips with the language is really exciting, though perhaps the best thing has to be the lack of end of year exams, whoop! I think that's the first time since I was four... I'm also looking forward to having a go at teaching, though seeing as most of my knowledge of the english language has been gained through learning foreign languages, I'm not sure just how much of an ambassador for the english language I'll be! Still, I'm sure the students will have fun trying to decipher my lancashire accent which seems to have strengthed somewhat since being back home. Last week I had great fun with a book on the Lankyshire dialect that I bought to take with me-- now surely it's not just the north west that uses 'to meither somebody', or 'flummoxed' or even 'gormless'?? Decipher: 'lerrin' im lackin' un not learnin' is addlin' is brain.'

Anyway I have to say that I've been so encouraged to hear that many people from home and university will be praying for me whilst I'm away and feel quite blessed that God has given me such great friends and family! A friend wrote me a card quoting Joshua 1v9: 'Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.' Quite apt really! What do I really have to be afraid of?

So until I get internet access this is 'ta ta for now'. The next time I write I'll be doing so from my new address and God-willing will be a little more clicked into german... so tschuss!

Something that got me thinking.

On visiting the anglican cathedral in Liverpool last Wednesday I discovered a stone memorial of John Charles Ryle, with a carving of him as if stretched out for burial-although he is actually buried in All Saints Church, Childwall.

The cathedral itself is beautiful, built with red cheshire sandstone and vibrant, modern stained glass. Even the size of the place is quite breath-taking, not only from the outside but from the inside, especially when you stand in the central space and have to almost arch over in a crab like position to examine the masonry and carvings. I always find it quite amazing in some of these grand churches that God has given such skills and an eye for beauty to such ordinary people. Yet for all of its visual beauty I coudn't help but feel that it rather displayed a certain idolatry of man rather then a worship of God. The central space is no doubt well-used and I was pleased to see a local charity set up there. It's encouraging at least to see that the local community want to use such a building and maintain it for future generations to cherish.

However I think it is quite telling that the first bishop of Liverpool, Ryle himself, apparently had no time for such a building scheme. You can imagine my surprise then, knowing only a little about Bishop Ryle, that amongst all of the grandeur and worship of the 'given' and the 'created' there was a worthy memorial to such a christian man whose tracts and books have enriched so many christians' lives. It is not that such buildings are sinful; the creation of them is not in itself sinful, nor are the craftsmen who worked on such a project necessarily guilty. But what is clear and disappointing to see is the notion that God is only experienced in these kinds of surroundings. That the peace of God, salvation, communion with God and worship of Him are only so transiently experienced as if the expression of God's character is only limited to the works of men's hands is a foolish, yet common belief. This notion was aptly summarised in the writing above the main doors of the cathedral: 'I felt you and I knew you loved me.'

It is true that God loves, 'for God demonstrates His own love toward us in this, in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.' Romans 5:8. But this is not some kind of love like so many of the soap operas and blockbuster films would have us think. It is not merely 'felt'. I am capable of feeling many things for as a woman I have a whole range of different emotions! But feeling is not the same as love. A feeling of love is transient, fallible, weak, changing, deniable, unbelievable and untrustworthy. How many poor men and women have married with this feeling of falling in love with someone only to find that a few years down the line that they have 'fallen out of love' with their spouse and 'fallen for' somebody else? 'But that's love!' some would have us believe. If that is love, I want nothing of it. It is only proved-and I use that term lightly- by the sheer emphasis and stress upon the feeling that one is loved but it cannot be proved in the evidential way. In short, there is no action or demonstration of that so called 'love' that can be relied upon enough for there to be no room for doubt. Doubt will always exist.

But the love that God speaks of is demonstrable; it is proved (Romans 5:8). Anyone can experience God, though many choose not to. I can see His work in nature, his intelligence in creation, his eye for beauty. But what I cannot experience is that God loves me, nor that He is just or worthy of worship, that is until I see the proof of all of this. Jesus Christ is that proof because when I was still an enemy of God, when I still refused to admit that I was wrong, that my way of life was in direct rebellion against Him, Jesus died as a substition for my sin. That is to say, I should have suffered for my own wrong doing and thus experienced in the true sense all that I am actually worthy to experience; the just wrath of God upon my sin.

'Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.' John 15:13 I was not a friend of Christ's when He died for me. In fact it was nearly 2 millenia before I trusted that Christ's death was the proof of God's love for me. Therefore He did die not on the basis of me being a 'good person'. Nor upon the fact that I was an 'honest member of society'. In fact Christ only calls sinners to repentance and grants them salvation, so if you don't think you're a sinner then you have a problem.

But this is how I can know, trust and therefore fully experience the love of God; because He gave His own Son for Me. There is no better or more beautiful piece of evidence of God's love for those who trust Him than that when there was no beauty in us, He gave all for us. Do not rely upon a transient feeling, but rather look at the evidence of God's love and be certain that Christ died for you. That is love without doubts or uncertainties.

11 days to go...

What on earth do you write in your first ever blog post?! As a keeper of a more traditional diary or journal (yes, one that requires pen and paper) the concept of keeping a record of what I get up to on a pixelated page which can be seen by anyone in the world, is perhaps slightly unnerving. Needless to say, I haven't discarded either the pen or the paper yet. But for obvious practical reasons, trying to keep in touch with everyone and share my experiences with them is made far easier by blogging.

With only 11 days to go until I leave for Germany I don't really know how I feel about it all. At least, there certainly isn't just one word to summarise the wealth of emotion you get when you suddenly realise that apart from not seeing your friends and family for a few months (the anguish of which is certainly lessened by the internet), you have to set yourself up in a foreign country, start a job, plan english language lessons, find a place to live, find a church, make friends, resist the temptation to make jokes about the war...the list is endless. Plus, there's probably the greatest fear-in my mind at least-of having to sort all of that out in a foreign language, and one that you don't believe yourself to be any good at! I don't ask for sympathy, but I do ask for prayer!

That said, it has been blatantly obvious how God has answered prayer over the last few weeks. Before I went on holiday to France at the beginning of June I still did not know where I was going to be working in Germany. I only knew the Bundesland. That last week at university I'll admit that the prayer I uttered the most was that I'd find out where I'd be going before I went on a three week holiday where I would have no way of receiving any correspondance! Literally hours before I packed up and left the country I received the letter confirming my placement and telling me that I'd be working in a college in Göttingen. God's timing is no doubt the best.

France was a wonderful time for relaxation-though I was also ill and very lethargic for nearly the first two weeks-and allowed me to reflect on the past academic year. Plus I finally got around to the reading I had so desperately wanted to do for ages! A book I particularly recommend is 'The Supremacy of Christ in a Postmodern World' edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing for me as a christian especially when I reflect on how the Lord is faithful even when I am not. My exam results were another thing for which to praise God, and before anyone thinks that's simply because I did well, I must admit that there were a couple of exams I thought I had really messed up. My german oral-hence my apprehension-being one! I went into that exam believing that I had prepared what was necessary. Indeed, after having prayed that whatever the outcome God would still help me to give Him thanks, I truly did experience that peace which surpasses all understanding. However, I don't think I really need to describe that feeling as you leave the exam room, when you realise you've potentially (and dramatically so at that!) lowered your marks. I don't think I deserve the mark I got in the end, but I remember being able to put the failure behind me and to still praise God for teaching me to rely on Him. Something I don't think I have ever had to put into practise in such a way before.


After coming back from France I spent 4 days at home, most of which was spent flat-hunting and emailing my tutor in the school at Göttingen. Then on 31st July I travelled to Belgium with two friends to spend a week at La Panne on a christian mission (Mission Vacance) If you speak french and want a challenge, go! After years of attending beach missions in the UK where I have worked alongside christians I have never met before to present the gospel in a tangible and exciting way to children and parents on the beaches, the prospect of doing all of that in french is still quite daunting! But again, prayer won throughout.


Teaching Bible verses in french and german, translating stories from french into german, as well as playing the accordion were all new things for me, and ones I didn't always do very well. Here too I honestly saw God at work. How on earth? Well, for the plain and simple fact that I am a proud woman and throughout the years I've been studying has also had an immense fear of failing. But for the past month I have praying that God would change the root of this problem; self. I often found that when I concentrated on the task God had trusted to me to do and upon His power (the kind that raised Christ from the dead and now lives in me), self was quite adequately and firmly crucified! For who of their own accord really wants to stand up in front of children, parents and bystanders, all of whom speak the language you're messing up far better than you do, and speak about a message that they despise and pity? If you want to crucify self, tell the gospel. Thus a verse that's been in my mind recently has been Galatians 2:20. An excellent read which I honestly believe has lead me prayerfully to be able to change (bit by bit) is a compilation of C. H. Spurgeon's sermons called 'A Passion for Holiness in a Believer's Life.' Read it!

Finally....honestly! The last week has mainly been spent chucking out old clothes, toys, games etc and having a laugh at the daft and pretty useless things I own. It was a necessary task as I hadn't had time to properly unpack since coming back from university, and with all of the books I now own it would have been nigh on impossible to squeeze so much into such a tiny space (anyone who's seen my room would know exactly what I mean)!
Now comes the preparation for Germany.... the flight is booked, travel insurance underway, but as yet I don't have anywhere permanent to live because I'm hoping to visit a couple of flats in Göttingen the first week I'm there. (My tutor is letting me stay with her-yet another answer to prayer!)
In some ways the physical preparation is relatively easy. You make a list, you tick things off the list when you've done them. But none of it comes about (as I have learned quite painfully at times!) without first being committed to God in prayer. Perhaps I should rather have named this first blog 'prayer', as I seem to have spoken more about that than anything else. But what is apparent is that despite all of my human fears, the God who knit me together in my mother's womb is the same God who has promised to keep on doing His work in and through me, right up until the end. Another answer to prayer on that note would be that I've managed to get in contact with a baptist church and the equivalent of the CU in Göttingen. I don't know how it will all turn out yet and I'm certainly not saying that I am not scared (I am human) but I trust God. And I think He's pretty much got the final Word on that.