unwise

I sometimes wonder whether God really knows what He's doing. Don't you? Or, rather I should perhaps rephrase that. I often have no idea why God is doing what He is doing -most probably because I am not very holy, nor very godly, nor at all wise- and therefore doubt whether there is really a point to what I am doing.

I hesitate in writing this because I fear I may be misunderstood. But what is it then that I really doubt about God? Do I not believe in providence? Do I not believe that He has a work of some sort for me to do? Does His Word not say that He has promised to bring that good work He has started in me to completion at the day of Christ? Does He also not say that He is faithful and just to forgive me when I confess my sin and fling myself on Christ?

I know this. I explain it to others. I read it daily and thank the Lord for it. But in truth, I actually live very little of this out. The old struggle between head and heart rears its ugly head.

The thing with having head and heart knowledge is that you can't have one without the other, or you're in danger of swinging to extremes. The one being a wishy-washy, lovey-dovey, touchy-feely relationship with God that has neither evidential basis, nor stamina, nor discipline. This thrives in showing the world how to love, but does not give a reason for it, meaning that this kind of relationship flounders at the first rock, pit or wave and leaves the believer lost at sea in a storm of doubt and disbelief. The other is stern, often cold, distant, so intellectual that only intellectuals (or those who think they're intellectuals) are attraced to it; and because it demands little in the way of practical application it can be followed without the believer really having to change his or her attitude, thus creating an unloving follower. In both extremes, I think the believer becomes despondant about their relationship with God and so ineffective in true gospel witness.

Those are pretty wild extremes! I hope neither myself, nor anyone I know, will ever reach such dreadful extremes. But I recognise both struggles within myself. It is difficult if not impossible in this life as a sinner to remain on the middle line, so using both heart and mind for the glory of God.